Crushing Ellen Page
Boo, hipsters.
Ellen Page
Page initially set hipster hearts aflutter with her sassy yet sadistic role in 2005’s horrifically disturbing (to the male section of the audience at least) Hard Candy. Who doesn’t love a chick who rocks a red hoodie and leggings whilst feigning castration? (Besides the male section of the audience). And, in 2007’s Juno, Page came out victorious over jaded ventricles once more as a spunky yet sarcastic pregnant teen. (“Ha! It’s funny because she’s a knocked-up teenager who’s not totally tragic and she’s got a phone shaped like a hamburger and talks to adults like they’re her equals. Fuck, that’s cool.”)
Well, for, like, two minutes at least. The lights had yet to even come up in the theater before the inevitable happened: The rest of the general population (read: The Academy and kids who had just “discovered” the Moldy Peaches) cast their bloodshot eyes in Page’s general (Canadian) direction and meeped approval. Then it all came crashing down. All of a sudden she went from possessing a certain muckle-mouthed appeal to smacking of Katie Holmes’ I-only-talk-out-of-the-side-of-my-mouth falsity. Her carefully layered scarves and band Ts took on a too perfect edge, as if—gasp—someone had styled her. And her precocious, neologistic way of speaking just got fucking annoying. And then she starred in a movie with Drew Barrymore, appropriating that most beloved of female hipster sports—the roller derby—and vogued her smug mug on the covers of many a mainstream fashion magazine. (For added nausea-inducement, she shot the requisite making-out-with-my-female-costar photo for Glamour. Classy.) And then came the death knell: Penning a show about “hipsters” for HBO. While Page may have not yet felt the cold draft created by the fluttering scarves of millions of hipsters as they turn their backs on her adorably wide-eyed mein, she’s in for the same kind of scathing (albeit weak-ass) backlash as was served to Michael Cera earlier this year. But take heart, young kanuck—although nary a resident of Williamsburg is likely to shell out the 10 bucks to see you skatin’ around with Barrymore, they’ll all probably tune in to Stitch ‘n Bitch via Megavideo when they think no one’s looking. You know, like how normal people watch porn.
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Celebs: Marrying Normal People →
This is excellent news. Celebs are marrying normal people. Ellen is a celeb. I am a normal person. Maybe a date isn’t out of the question.
I’m close to the LES here in my office. So this song, “The Luckiest Guy on the Lower East Side” feels like it would fit in if I were to make Ellen Page a sweet mixtape. It’s by The Magnetic Fields.
There are two things I know about Clay Parker Jones: he loves himself and he loves women.
So, when he announced his crush on Ellen Page, I was hardly surprised. In fact, I responded by saying, “she’s like a tiny, female, slightly cleaner, lighter skinned version of you.”
That’s not a bad thing.
And having watched Juno about 40 times—once with Clay Parker Jones—I feel that I speak from experience when I say…Ellen Page if you come across this and respond, you probably won’t be disappointed…unless you’re disappointed easily. And in that case, maybe you could send him an autographed glossy 8x10. He’s a nice boy, that would make him smile.
”Ellen Page - A Fan's Tumblr →
Not mine. Just photos. Which I find to be a little creepy, in a way.
I liked Juno. I thought that Ellen Page played the character well, but I always wondered what she was like without Diablo Cody writing her dialogue.
And then I saw her in the above on Buzzfeed. She’s obviously tremendously adorable throughout, but there was something about the head-nod at 1:29 that made me think, “Jeez. I have a huge crush on Ellen Page.”
And that’s what this site is all about. She seems insanely talented, and I’d like to meet her. I think we’d get along okay, too. So we’ll see where this goes.
